loss – Drops of Jules

Come Home

Update– In early July I finally received my first tattoo. It’s everything I hoped it would be and it gives me another layer of peace. Home is here and also wherever you are right now. For two years I’ve wrestled with whether you ever actually existed or if you’re a fantasy concocted by my brainContinue reading “Come Home”

A Poem and A Prayer

A poem and a prayer, words whispered in the dark not for the first or last time. ~Eden,You have the best seat in the houseYou get to see the full yellow moon,The constellations are at your fingertips.Orion’s Belt is really clear tonightThe three studs in his belt stand out against the night sky.I think ofContinue reading “A Poem and A Prayer”

1 Year Gone

On this day a year ago our first baby became an angel. Time has seesawed between lightning speed and painful stillness. At this moment it seems like a fraction of a year has passed since our loss–certainly not 12 months. The feelings aren’t as raw, and talking about the miscarriage doesn’t trigger a negative response,Continue reading “1 Year Gone”

The Last Leg

Hi Caleb, baby, We’re in the beginning of month 9! The thought that you’ll be here soon is mind-blowing and surreal. You’ve been making your presence known more and more over the last few weeks, rolling, jabbing, and stretching all over the place. It’s pretty hard to ignore, little guy. Last night Daddy put hisContinue reading “The Last Leg”

Letter #3

Hi Angel, You were on my mind a lot last night. Usually I think of you while I’m in the shower getting ready for the day or when I’m about to go to sleep. I like to say ‘good morning’ or ‘good night’ or ‘how are things up there?’ It allows me to imagine thatContinue reading “Letter #3”

The Full Story

Recently a friend of ours gifted me a book about miscarriage from a Christian lens. (For anyone interested it’s called Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss by Adriel Booker.) I’ve only read the first section, but it’s already an intense read. The raw details of her miscarriages and emotions so closelyContinue reading “The Full Story”

Hi, Baby

CW: miscarriage Hi Baby, It’s been five days since I last wrote to you. It feels like it’s been much longer than that. It’s raining and thundering right now. The sky is really dark. It makes me want to lie in bed and do nothing.I missed you a lot last night and I thought aboutContinue reading “Hi, Baby”