hope – Drops of Jules

Come Home

Update– In early July I finally received my first tattoo. It’s everything I hoped it would be and it gives me another layer of peace. Home is here and also wherever you are right now. For two years I’ve wrestled with whether you ever actually existed or if you’re a fantasy concocted by my brainContinue reading “Come Home”

Mother’s Day

I leaned into the moment and said your name in conversation, and it wasn’t so awkward after all. “Angel baby, Eden.”There’s a pang of what if that hovers in the air, but my bounty fills up my senses, and I’m thankful.Thank you, Eden, for making me a mommy. Every day since your birth you haveContinue reading “Mother’s Day”

Our First

Dear Eden, At some point in the next two to three weeks you would have been celebrating your first birthday. Admittedly, your actual day of birth holds more significance to me because I experienced it firsthand with you. This March/April “birthday” is something I can only think about in theory. You would be turning 1.Continue reading “Our First”

The Last Leg

Hi Caleb, baby, We’re in the beginning of month 9! The thought that you’ll be here soon is mind-blowing and surreal. You’ve been making your presence known more and more over the last few weeks, rolling, jabbing, and stretching all over the place. It’s pretty hard to ignore, little guy. Last night Daddy put hisContinue reading “The Last Leg”

Willfully Hopeful

Believing that my unborn baby is in Heaven.Believing that there was a baby forming in that sac when it left my body.Lifting up little one-sided conversations.Holding onto the idea that they had a soul even at those early weeks.If all of this is only a coping mechanism and imaginary… I could call myself ‘willfully crazy’,Continue reading “Willfully Hopeful”

27

I’ve felt like I was 27 years old (whatever that’s supposed to feel like) already for most of this year. Maybe it’s because the months dragged in the wake of Covid-19 or because there was so much learning that occurred this year. Whatever the reason was, this birthday felt like my age ‘label’ finally caughtContinue reading “27”

The Full Story

Recently a friend of ours gifted me a book about miscarriage from a Christian lens. (For anyone interested it’s called Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss by Adriel Booker.) I’ve only read the first section, but it’s already an intense read. The raw details of her miscarriages and emotions so closelyContinue reading “The Full Story”