juliatothemax

A Poem and A Prayer

A poem and a prayer, words whispered in the dark not for the first or last time. ~Eden,You have the best seat in the houseYou get to see the full yellow moon,The constellations are at your fingertips.Orion’s Belt is really clear tonightThe three studs in his belt stand out against the night sky.I think ofContinue reading “A Poem and A Prayer”

Eden

I started writing a blog post a few weeks ago summarizing what changes have been going on in our lives since Caleb arrived. It was difficult to organize my thoughts, though, and I abandoned the post. The short version is that being a mom is difficult and rewarding, I started working again a week ago,Continue reading “Eden”

1 Year Gone

On this day a year ago our first baby became an angel. Time has seesawed between lightning speed and painful stillness. At this moment it seems like a fraction of a year has passed since our loss–certainly not 12 months. The feelings aren’t as raw, and talking about the miscarriage doesn’t trigger a negative response,Continue reading “1 Year Gone”

The Last Leg

Hi Caleb, baby, We’re in the beginning of month 9! The thought that you’ll be here soon is mind-blowing and surreal. You’ve been making your presence known more and more over the last few weeks, rolling, jabbing, and stretching all over the place. It’s pretty hard to ignore, little guy. Last night Daddy put hisContinue reading “The Last Leg”

29 Weeks and Counting

Hi Caleb, Today you’ve reached the 29-week mark. Good job, bubs. ❤ I can’t believe in just a couple of months you’ll be here! I’ve been worrying over you most of the week because the OB said I was measuring small. She told me to get an ultrasound done next Friday just to make sureContinue reading “29 Weeks and Counting”

Bereaved Mother’s Day

Today is Bereaved Mother’s Day. I didn’t know this was a thing until I saw a post on Instagram about it. I have mixed feelings about finding out. On the one hand, I was beginning to feel a little bit wary about Mother’s Day coming up so it’s comforting to know there’s a day forContinue reading “Bereaved Mother’s Day”

A New Home

In the middle of preparing for our baby’s arrival, we’ve decided to buy a little townhouse. We hope that this investment will provide our family with a home that allows us all to grow and thrive for the next few years. I had reservations about looking at a new home right now, but as soonContinue reading “A New Home”

6 Months and a Pomegranate

I’ve stayed away from journaling about this pregnancy because I didn’t want to spill the beans, and I also didn’t want to write letters to a baby that might not make it. That being said, I’m at a point now where I can allow myself to document a little bit of what this pregnancy hasContinue reading “6 Months and a Pomegranate”

Happy Forever Birthday

Hello, my love, It’s your birthday week! I’m not sure when you would have arrived, but some people celebrate their birthdays all week long here so you fit right in. My celebration of you is this letter and thinking about you each day. By His grace, I have spring break this week so I canContinue reading “Happy Forever Birthday”

Willfully Hopeful

Believing that my unborn baby is in Heaven.Believing that there was a baby forming in that sac when it left my body.Lifting up little one-sided conversations.Holding onto the idea that they had a soul even at those early weeks.If all of this is only a coping mechanism and imaginary… I could call myself ‘willfully crazy’,Continue reading “Willfully Hopeful”