I’ve stayed away from journaling about this pregnancy because I didn’t want to spill the beans, and I also didn’t want to write letters to a baby that might not make it. That being said, I’m at a point now where I can allow myself to document a little bit of what this pregnancy has been like so far. There’s less worry and more enjoyment, less fear of getting hurt and more eagerness for the things to come. I don’t want to regret not journaling about this important time in my life.
A lot has happened in the last 6 months, but I’ll just write about the more recent things. According to my pregnancy tracker app, baby is the size of a pomegranate. Tomorrow he will be in week 25 which will make him the size of an eggplant. I don’t know where they come up with these fruits and vegetables, but whatever it’s a cute visual. He’s been kicking and moving more and more these days. I can feel him in the early morning after I drink a glass of water, or in the mid-afternoon when I’m lying down for a nap, or in the evenings as I sit on the couch. I don’t get woken up in the middle of the night just yet by his kicks, but I’m sure that will begin to happen sooner than I think. Sometimes his kicks are strong and I can see him kicking and rolling around. It freaks Heech out a little bit, but it makes me laugh. Calm down little guy! I think I felt him hiccup a few days ago, too.
This pregnancy has been smooth so far with no morning sickness or crazy cravings. In the first trimester I wanted to eat tart fruits all day long. Anything with tomato sauce was my go-to choice. I would have one-and-done cravings for junk foods, but a lot of the time I didn’t want to eat anything. These days I want sweets of all kinds, but I try to limit myself. In a previous blog post I talked about body image and how it was affecting me after I miscarried. I thought I would be worried about my weight gain and how I look, but honestly right now I love how my body looks. I’m trying to exercise regularly and eat snacks/meals within reason so I can stay at a healthy weight, but I’m not as obsessive about my figure as I thought I would be. Who knows, maybe after this trimester I’ll blow up and I’ll come back to this blog crying about how fat I feel. (Why does this feel like it might be a prophecy?)
Emotionally, overall I’ve been doing well. There are days like today when I feel like crying (the reason is unknown so maybe hormones) and there are days when I feel happy and thankful and alive. Most of the time it’s the latter. It really does make me feel a little bit crazy when I can’t figure out why I feel so emotional. Take today for example: I wanted to be around people but also alone, I almost cried because Heech didn’t finish work on time to eat together and his dinner got cold, Bella’s persistent whine to play with her made me want to scream. The list goes on. It was a really weird afternoon/evening. I forced myself to sit down and write this blog even though my mind immediately went, “This feels like a chore.” And whaddaya know, I feel a lot better than I did before.
Love you, babies! Even though you’re not here, thank you for giving me the chance to be a mom. I’ll try to do better with writing down all of the ins and outs of this pregnancy so when years have passed I can look back and laugh.
Drops of Jules 