Dreams

I’ve always had vivid dreams, and I can often remember what they were after I wake up. It makes for fun storytelling, but every once in a while I do wish I wouldn’t remember. Since the miscarriage, I have had a couple of dreams that have been closely tied to reality, or at least closely tied to my headspace. When I wake up in the mornings from these dreams they always sit funny in my heart. It’s a strange limbo of ‘it’s just a dream, it’s not a big deal’ and ‘wow, that hit a little too close to home’.

Last night I dreamt that I started bleeding again, like I did the days before my miscarriage. I don’t think I was pregnant in my dream, but I was still shocked and not sure why I was bleeding. I’m not sure which part of my subconscious this dream came from. Am I concerned about miscarrying again? (Yes.) Am I worried that my body will prevent me from getting pregnant? (The thought has crossed my mind.) Am I reliving past trauma through my dreams? (Maybe.) Clearly there are a handful of places my dreams could stem from.

Whatever it is, I’m trying not to get worked up over it. I can only assume that as we work towards becoming parents these dreams will continue to happen out of subconscious anxiety. I’ll simply have to work through it each time, and that’s something I can handle.