I’ve dedicated a lot of space to the baby, but I haven’t said too much about you. Every once in a while I find myself thinking back to the time we spent together when we were dating. I think about it with tenderness because in the middle of daydreaming about the future, we never imagined we’d experience this kind of heartache. Hours spent in practice rooms, walking from South St. to my house at Temple, eating dinner in city restaurants; all while looking forward to what our life together would look like. A miscarriage never entered our thoughts for a moment.
We’re so different, you and I. I wear my heart on my sleeve so everyone knows everything, and you like to keep your business on a need-to-know basis. I need to talk to get my mind clear, and you need time to think so you can figure it out on your own. Yet here we are existing next to each other in this space that requires us to understand the other person’s needs, in a situation that is impossible to comprehend. We’re fumbling around in our own heads while imperfectly trying to support each other, and somehow we’re getting through it.
Throughout these sad weeks, you’ve been my joy and my comforter. I know you’ve put aside your emotional needs in order to make sure I was okay. I hope that when you find moments to work through all the things this time has required of you I’ll be able to love you and comfort you just as well. If anything good has come out of this, it has been the increased gentleness, patience, and grace between us. While the times are too sad to be called “bittersweet”, you are the sweetness of each day. Thank you for keeping me company through every high and low.
xo
Drops of Jules 